It Takes A Village

Today I read a “Humans of NY” blog post. It was about an only child who adopted her neighbors as grandparents. I cried immediately. I pray that my future children have this opportunity. My husband has no family. He was adopted and his adopted parents died. His sister, was verbally abusive towards him so she is not apart of our lives. I’ve questioned bringing a child into the world without a village. I went back and forth over the first year we were married. Every month my heart longed for a child more and more. I admitted to myself that it has to happen and we would make it work. Now we are trying and every month when I get a negative test result, I want my mother to hold me. One month I went to her grave and cried. I begged her for strength and guidance. I promised her I would be strong. I left her a pink rose (her favorite) and I took a photo of the rose. It has been my phone wallpaper ever since. After the cemetery visit I stopped at a flea market. When I was a child my mother often took us to this flea market. She would buy cotton shirt and short sets, in an array of colors and patterns. We would stop in a cosmetics store, and stock up on hair products. I went in and purchased her favorite perfume-Halston. Since that day, every time I need strength, I look at my phone, at the photo of the pink rose and I spritz Halston on my wrist. This is how I channel my mother.