I haven’t had the strength to write for a while. I’ve had time but I haven’t had the mental space. It’s exhausting just getting myself through the day.
I started seeing a therapist when I was probably 7 years old. Since then, I have seen therapists on and off. I’m 36 now. My last therapist stopped contacting me. I told her I would like to take a break for a month and she said okay. I never heard back from her-is it my fault? Probably. She wasn’t effective anyway. The only effective therapist I’ve had in the past few years, died. She allowed me to text her whenever. She understood that I had no one to guide me. She was the older woman/mother/aunt figure I needed. She developed pancreatic cancer. Another person gone.
I’m listening to Eckhart Tolle. I have downloaded most of his books. I am trying to live in the present. I’m trying not to think of the future and enjoy each moment. It’s difficult. I think I’m programmed to be an anxious and depressed mess. It’s in my DNA. It’s all I know.
You Only Need You 