You’ve Missed So Much

When I think about how long you’ve been gone, I realize how much you’ve really missed. Besides the big things, you’ve missed so many little things. Funny movies, good food, everything. Will I ever see you again? Will I have that feeling of security only a mother could provide? I feel so empty sometimes. Where has the time gone? How did I get here? I am trying to live in the moment but the moment frightens me. The moment is reality and I guess I cannot face my reality. Living in the moment to me means I have to accept that you’re gone and you’re not coming back. I don’t want to waste my time on Earth being sad, but I also don’t want to accept any of that. My existence is bittersweet. I want to be thankful and grateful that you’ve shown me how fragile life is-but I also hate it. It’s painful and depressing. I live in a flux of anger and depression.