Since my mother has died, I have spent my life trying to find someone or something that gave me comfort and solace. The feeling only a mother could provide. You know, “that everything is going to be okay” feeling. It is very hard to get through life once you have felt that way and then have had it ripped away from you.
The past few months, when I speak, I hear my mother’s voice. Not something she would have said, but her actual voice. I sound like her. It’s terrifying, but also soothing…if that makes any sense. Sometimes I’m afraid to speak, as I don’t know if her voice will come out. I’ve also noticed that I’m starting to look like her, as I remember her. I was putting on my make up, and I saw her face staring at me. Another terrifying moment. I never imagined anything like this would happen. I’ve been to many psychic mediums, and I’ve prayed and asked for signs. This has propelled me into a “re-grieving” stage as my therapist says. I don’t buy it. I don’t think we ever end grieving. We just live with it, in pain…like a tumor. We find ways to work around it, even though it’s always there. Some days it hurts and we can’t take tolerate the pain, so we cry and scream. Other days, it’s manageable.
You Only Need You 