Growing up, my father would constantly use this statement as an insult towards me. As if being like her were the worst thing in the world. Sure, she was mentally ill. It was difficult for her to multitask and she was extremely codependent. But, she was also extremely intelligent, funny, and beautiful.
One day, after another session of berating me, I turned to my father and said “good, I hope I’m like her, she’s amazing.” He never said it again after that day.
Despite my rebuttal, this still effects me everyday. When I’m too emotional, I question if I’m acting like my mother. I’m constantly comparing my life and hers. It’s an awful process, and there is a lot of guilt involved. The truth is, I’m terrified of becoming “like my mother.” Towards the end of her life, she was prescribed Thorazine to get through the day. She couldn’t work, and she was living in a rented room. I would like to think I have her best qualities.
You Only Need You 